Why having clear boundaries are important as a busy mum
"The only people who get upset about you having boundaries are the ones who were benefiting from you having non."
I remember what life was like before I set up clear boundaries for myself. It was overwhelming and I felt exhausted. I didn’t feel like I was in tune with myself and I was on the way to burnout. I had forgotten how to prioritise myself. As a busy mum, boundaries are so important. They are important not only for your health and wellbeing, but also for that of your family. A happy and healthy mum means a happy and healthy family.
At first learning to say “no” is hard. Fear of FOMO creeps in when you decide not to attend a night out. You debate long and hard about going but the next morning when you wake you fresh, you congratulate yourself on doing the right thing. Prioritising your own needs and setting boundaries to commitments that are not priority helps to protect your energy and conserve it for things that fill up your cup.
Being “busy” and overcommitted is something that is often celebrated in our modern day living. However, living in this way can lead to overwhelm, increased stress and anxiety. Once you lighten this load, by setting clear defined boundaries these feelings reduce and you can focus on what really matters to you and what is really important in your life.
Boundaries and setting limits as to what we will do and tolerate are particularly important to women for the following reasons:
Respect
Having clear boundaries shows not only to yourself, but also those arround you that you care for yourself and value needs. You are putting your needs first and you expect others to treat you with the respect you deserve. Be firm when there is push back.
Empowerment
With clear boundaries comes self agency. We are in control of our lives and therefore behave in a way that aligns with our needs, mind, body and soul. Therefore filling us with a feeling of more energy.
Healthy relationships
Initially, you may feel that certain people in your life do not respond well to boundaries. That is normal. They were the ones that were benefiting from you saying “yes” all the time and often putting their needs before your own. Boundaries are essential for maintaining healthy relationships. Boundaries provide clear guidelines, a blueprint almost, of expectations and guidelines for behaviours.
Unsure where to even start with boundary setting? Here are a few places you may like to start your boundary formation with:
Self care must come first
Make time for self care activities, such as exercise, hobbies, or relaxation, even if it's just for a few minutes each day. Self care, doing things that fill up your cup will leave you feeling recharged.
Ask for help
Don't be afraid to delegate or out source anything that you can. Ask for help from your partner, family or friends. This will help to lighten the load you are carrying.
Learn to say no
As a mum we often find it a challenge to say “no”. It is important to remember that it is OK to say no to anything that leaves you feeling drained or overwhelmed. Don't feel guilty about turning down things that don't align with what you are focusing on and your priorities.
Schedule “me” time
This is where I used to struggle. Now I block out non-negotiable time in my dairy for relaxation, exercise, hobbies and anything that I need to do to support me to be the best version of myself. Once the time is allocated in your dairy, it can not be removed.
Boundaries are not selfish
It is OK to set boundaries. You are not being selfish by wanting to say no at times at take care of yourself by putting your needs first.
My biggest tip with boundary setting is to be consistent. That way everyone will know where they stand with you, therefore avoiding any confusion or resentment. You will also find it easier to embrace positive behaviour change and follow through with new behaviours if you are consistent with your boundary messages. Boundaries are an excellent example of intentional living. Saying an intentional “No” can help support a healthier and happier you, therefore leading to more balance in life.
How do you feel about boundary setting? Where do you need the biggest boundary settings?
I’d love to know. Come and see me over @katiejensonhullnutrition on Instagram.
Much love,
Katie xx